She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
