We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
