i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize