a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
