but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
