I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Come share oat with me in your robe
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
