You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
