I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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