i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do vagina's smell?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
