so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I would fuck him just for his dog
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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