Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
