i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
