He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
