Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
