Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You are a genius and a whore.
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