after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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