he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
