i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
