Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
