That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
