I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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