I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
