i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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