apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
