I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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