it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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