I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
