if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are we still banned from the library?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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