My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He felt like a one man threesome
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
