hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
