i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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