Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
