Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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