I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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