Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
