did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
