you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
