I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
