we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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