And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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