anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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