I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
