she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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