At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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