I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
