who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
