i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
