how do flat chested girls get laid?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize