my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
In America we eat man semen.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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