I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
