Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
