You're my little dorito
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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