The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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