I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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