why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
