i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
