just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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