I'm drive I can fine osifer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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