I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
