This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
