So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
