So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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