i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
