Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize