i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
