So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
