the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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