So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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