I'm lost and stupid without you.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize