hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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