omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
