im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
