haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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