I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize