can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize