ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
