JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
