I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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