I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
