Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
