I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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