I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
