So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
