I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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