i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
