dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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