You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
