rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize