All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
