So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize