I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
