so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
