My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
