just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
