I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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