I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
