I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do vagina's smell?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
