I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
